… or why not every connection has to be your new BFF.
We grow up with the idea that we should all have a “best friend forever”—one person who knows everything about us, shares every interest, and is always there, no matter what. It’s a comforting idea, but in reality, most friendships don’t work like that. More often than not, the strongest and most enduring connections are activity-specific relationships—friendships that are deeply meaningful, but centred around a particular shared experience rather than an all-encompassing bond.
The Myth of the All-Purpose Best Friend
The idea of a single, catch-all best friend is ingrained in us from childhood. We see it in books, movies, and TV shows—two inseparable people who share every aspect of their lives. But real friendships, just like real people, are far more complex.
The truth is, it’s rare to find someone who aligns with you across every aspect of life. More often, we connect with different people in different ways. The friend you go hiking with might not be the same one you’d talk to about personal struggles. The person who shares your love of old movies might not care at all about your latest work project. And that’s okay.
Why Activity-Specific Relationships Matter
Rather than seeing friendships as “all or nothing,” it can be freeing to embrace relationships for what they actually are: meaningful within their specific context. Activity-specific relationships thrive because they remove the pressure of needing to be everything for each other. Instead, they let people connect in ways that are natural and effortless.
Some of the strongest bonds people form are through shared activities. A running partner, a gaming friend, a book club companion, a gym buddy—these are all relationships built on something tangible and real. And in many ways, they can be even more valuable than an undefined, all-purpose friendship.
I’ve had great friends that I trained martial arts with. Others that I’ve gamed with. I’ve made friends at work, at the gym, at photo sessions and simply because we both ended up at the same cafe at the same time a lot.
None of them were BFF’s, but they were all meaningful connections. All of them had value to me, added something to my life, and none of them were permanent.
That’s OK. There’s a strength in that.
The Strength in Defined Connections
A friendship that exists within a defined activity can often feel more stable. There’s a built-in rhythm, a natural way to interact, and no pressure to make it anything other than what it is. These relationships allow for depth and connection without the weight of expectation—no need to be each other’s emotional crutch, no pressure to force a deeper connection outside of the shared space.
Activity-based friendships can also be longer lasting than general-purpose friendships. When a friendship is built around “everything,” it can be more prone to fizzling out when life circumstances change. But when it’s built around something specific—weekly game nights, weekend cycling trips, an online writing group—it has a strong foundation to keep it going, even if other aspects of life shift.
Letting Go of the Need for One “Perfect” Friend
There’s something liberating about allowing friendships to be what they naturally are. Rather than searching for a single person to fulfill every social need, embracing a variety of connections based on shared interests and activities can lead to a richer, more fulfilling social life.
Instead of asking, “Who is my best friend?” the better question might be: “Who do I connect with in ways that matter?”
Maybe your deep, meaningful conversations happen with a friend from your book club. Maybe your sense of adventure is shared with a travel buddy. Maybe your competitive side comes alive with your gaming group. None of these friendships are lesser for being activity-specific. If anything, they may be more meaningful because they allow each person to be fully themselves in that space, without needing to be everything to each other.
Final Thought: A New Definition of Meaningful Friendships
Friendship isn’t about finding one person to be your everything—it’s about forming connections that matter, in ways that work for you. Activity-specific relationships offer a different kind of depth, one that doesn’t demand all-encompassing closeness but thrives on shared passion and consistency.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s more sustainable—and even more rewarding—than trying to find a single “best friend forever.”